I'm starting to see our listeners turning against me. "WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COMPLAIN SO MUCH ABOUT MIAMI? Stop being negative. You are lucky to be there. Durrrrr! RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!!!"
Well, if you were almost killed TWICE, you'd be negative too. Let me explain.
Prior to my arrival in Miami, my boss (who lived here for a while) explained, "Miami has the worst drivers in the world. It's not close." At the time, it struck me as the usual rap. I've lived in many cities. I'm convinced everyone thinks their city has the worst drivers. It is rarely true.
In Miami, however, it IS true.
According to my crack #research department, we have calculated that 28.76% of Miami drivers are trying to kill you at any given moment. Here's why: they don't believe in things...like stop lights.
Last night, I finished REACT from our Miami studio location. Because it's Miami, my usual route home was shut down due to construction (at 2am). So, I had to use backroads through what could charitably be called a "lower revenue stream neighborhood." On my longcut home (nothing short about my cut), I had to cross rougly 25 four way intersections. There were stop lights, but that's not a factor in Miami.
In my 25 crossovers, I was cut off WHEN I HAD THE GREEN LIGHT twice. One time was by a caravan of SUVs. In the hood. Nothing suspicious about that...at 2am.
Like Ron Burgandy's News Team, I now had my head on a swivel. Because that's what you do when you're in a vicious cockfight! Two obvious drunk drivers swerving all over the road (tough loss, Heat) later, I'm one mile to my destination.
Closer to the hotel, I was stopped at a SIX WAY intersection. Six ways to die! My light turns green. I see it coming. Guy in an SUV completely and totally oblivious to the light. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand. FOUR FREAKING ONE THOUSAND. Guy blows through the light at, I don't know, let's say 50 MPH.
I'm safe, Ron Burgandy-style. Couldn't help it. I lay on my horn. He slams on his breaks (keep in mind, he's through the intersection now). Huh? Whut? You mean me? Derp?? Yes, you. Get a DD.
I've made it to Friday. Three days to go.